Seeing Stars

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 12:26:18 GMT

I'm heartbroken....and I know why.

Signing off....

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 04:07:44 GMT

Good morning, LJ. I've been missing you a little lately. So much so that I forgot my password. I don't know why I'm back here...I have no idea what my background is on this. It's been that long. I guess I just craved for something I missed. It happens. From what I hear.

I like that one kid's mindset. "I don't want to hear this."
And he walked away. Damn. There's something I never thought of. So, this is me walking away. I hae been in a bit of a hermit mood lately. And I think that's all there is.

On the phone

Fri, 17 Mar 2006 06:00:48 GMT

Good grief. The boredom is possessing my very soul. My job is weird. I am currently finding out how much rooms in different hotels. Not for anything specific. But just because. Someone can only hear so much crapy hold music. And this is the crappiest. Some times I don't mind it much. When they have it set to some sort of radio station that will play song that I can recognize. Whether I like it or not isn't really important. Either way I can hum along to it. But right now, I am listening to some sort of Island music. And not even the good kind. The total crap kind. Moving on.

Today has been moving along at an okay pace. Half because I'm sort of doing something and half because I am successfully avoiding seeing any of my bosses. Always a good thing.

No idea what is going on tonight. I may end up staying home. And I just realized I'm supposed to be typing something so I'm going to go do that.

Oh yeah- Happy St. Patrick's Day! Are you wearing green?

Where's the spell check

Mon, 13 Mar 2006 00:40:26 GMT

Holla! Monday mornings suck. Well, any morning that you have to get up for work sucks. But Monday mornings are worse than most. Not much to say. I watched Benny & Joon yesterday. Johnny Depp was a serious slice of awesome in that movie. He does that Buster Keaton/Charlie Chaplin thing so well. Even when he did it on 21 Jump Street. So much better than Justin in Gone. Seeing that movie made me remember how much I dig Mary Stuart Masterson. Forgive me if that's spelled wrong. Now I need to get over to the Mall and buy Some Kind of Wonderful on DVD. Why I didn't get it when I saw it, I'll never know. Hopefully, it will still be there and I won't have to kick my own ass. It's never fun kicking your own ass. Especially when there are so many people in the world that deserve it. But I digress.

We're going to attempt to do the difficult. Not really the impossible because I'm not hooked or anything. But we're going to try to not smoke from now until California. Yes, California is now a unit in time. I forget why it's important to not smoke until California, but it is. I need to check my mail today. Maybe my dress is in. And I have to buy shoes. So much to do! Let's see....I think I'm getting my nails done the week I leave. I have to dye my hair. Maybe cut it. A month and a half, kids. It's crunch time.

I wonder if Tre is on island, yet. There are all sorts of rumors swirling around. Mostly they're just thoughts in my head though.

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 06:17:53 GMT

Something is wrong with blogspot. For some reason it is moving incredibly slow. I have no patience for it and so I haven't written an entry, yet. On this of all days. When, apparently, it counts.

Interesting story. Not really, but I'm going to tell it anyway. I was on my way back to work from lunch today. I saw a little man in a suit walking up the hill towards my place of employment. I had to drive slowly because there is construction on the street these days. So, I rolled down my window and said to the little man in the suit, "Sir, do you want a ride." He looked at me and then at the building that he was trying to get to. Weighing out in his mind whether or not it was appropriate to accept a ride from me. He said yes and got in. I drove the 1 minute and 30 seconds it took to get him where he was trying to go. He was a little, old, non-English speaking, man. But in what I imagine can only be described as awkwardness, he was humming along to the sounds of Sugar Ray that were oozing out of my car's stereo. He got out, I backed up and found myself parked and ready to go to work.

I read a magazine today. It made me really want to eat at Kobe in Dededo. I've bever been there, but the food looked awesome in the magazine. You should pick up a copy of GU and see for yourself. It's awesome.

I'm starting to get annoyed. But that's another story.

I went to eat dinner at JD's last night. Sadly, no forts were made. But he made an awesome roast beef. And no one was there to witness it, but me. Poor guy. We watched the CBS line-up because it's awesome. That's right- it's awesome.

My mom has been home for the last few days. Why? I have no idea.

Theater seats

Mon, 06 Mar 2006 01:11:06 GMT

LJ, how I've missed you. Not really. An entry is an entry regardless of URL, right? Right. This weekend was weird. We had made plans to go to the movies on Friday night, but when I gor home I got really tired. Really. I think giving up sugar for lent was finally taking its toll on me. Finally. After two days. How sad is that? I called up to cancel....only to have someone cancel on me. I think that was a good thing. At least I didn't feel bad about punking out. But I was so tired, I ended up falling asleep early. Really early. And still waking up late the next day. Saturdays are awesome. Thrughout the day I got calls ranging from- "You better fucking go." to "I don't care." So, I was really confused. But I ended up going to watch 16 Blocks. I left the house early. Going out ended up being a good thing. Then not a good thing. Then a good thing again. Then a "crap only happens" to me type thing. Let's explain.
1. It started out well.
2. Chuck came for a visit.
3. I dug the movie.
4. I sat on crap.
Okay, not literally "crap". But I was sitting at the theater. Watching the movie. Liking the movie. WHen I put my hand down on my seat. And there was crap on it. It was freaking chili. I hadn't known it was there because I sit kind of slumped to the front of the chair. So, it probably didn't get on me until I sat up straight. Suprisingly, I wasn't as pissed as one would think. I mean- those thought were definitely going through my head. You know, the- who the hell slams chili in a chair?! But I didn't want to make a big thing. So, the last half hour or so of the movie was me trying to figure out how to get from that seat to my car while calling as little attention to myself as possible. I was wearing a sweater, but only a tank top under it. Not even really a tank top. A cami. And I did not want to walk out in just a cami. But I saw no other option, so that's what I did. The movie ended. He got up to use the bathroom. And I tied my sweater around my waist and walked out of the theater half naked. Thank God I had an extra shirt in my car. I put it on and had the required discussion about the movie in front of BestSeller.
I was wearing a cami and I felt half naked. How far we've come from my dressing as a slut days, huh?

But I did like that movie.

Another excerpt

Thu, 02 Mar 2006 14:56:09 GMT

In case you don't recognize him, that tasty-looking treat is none other than Mr. JD. And this isn't just some random picture of him. This is a picture from an advertisement for a certain communications company on island. That's right, folks. It was in the newspaper. Page 17 to be exact. The company truly lucked out when they hired an employee that was not only a computer programming genius, but also a professional male model! JD- he's so hot right now. And so famous. And I know that guy! And I'm apparently not the only one. Check this guy out: http://www.myspace.com/iknowjohnlim . Truly- JD, so hot right now

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 01:30:44 GMT

Have I mentioned lately that I hate my job? In case you all forgot, I do.

Life is....it just is. I am drained. Not physically. Because I don't do shit. Which is something that I should really look into. But mentally, emotionally, and psychologically, I'm sure. I'm leaving in two months. I haven't told work, yet. Mostly because I haven't decided whether or not I'm turning in my vacation request or my resignation. Right now I'm opting for the resignation. But those around me don't agree with it. Not to mention- what would I do?

Oops. I forgot to find a photographer. My bad. Fuck it. Just fire me already.

Valentine's Birthdays.

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 00:48:37 GMT

It was Doemyrose's birthday yesterday. She seems so amazed every year when I call her. It happens every year. You think it wouldn't be a surprise anymore. But happy birthday to the Valentine baby. I wonder how old she is now. 21? 22? I'm not sure.

Today is Kristina's bithday, too. That's Nora's daughter. Legend has it that Nora started experiencing labor pains on Valentine's Day, but stuck it out and was still able to cut checks for payday before she went to the hospital. Seriously- that woman is secretly Wonder Woman. And I miss her lots!

Valentine's sucked more than usual. Who knew that was even possible?

Big Dinner this Saturday. I should get that confirmation letter out.

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 05:45:35 GMT

Guess what LiveJournal. Due to the fact that blogspot is down for maintenance, you get an actual update. I am currently on the phone waiting for the next available operator that will allegedly be with me shortly. Everyone few seconds a recorded voice comes on and tells me my estimaed wait time. It tells me its one minute. That gives me hope that someone will be on the phone soon. But that hope is slightly overshadowed by the fact that my estimated wait time has been one minute for the last 15 minutes. All I got to say is that I am a very patient person.

Speaking of being on hold. Have you ever been on hold for a really long time and found yourself digging the hold music? That happens a lot. To the point that when someone eventually picks it up I want to ask them if they can put me back on hold. Listening to Frankie Goes To Hollywood is a lot more fun than talking to someone about my bank account. Someday I'll be brave enough to ask them to put me back on hold.

Happy Birthday Nadia.
We kind of sang happy birthday to her today. Kind of. It was not what one would call a smashing success. But it had heart. Not really.

Tomorrow is mom's birthday. And Kai's. And Kim's.

Busy weekend.

One hour and twenty minutes. That's the sound of the man working on the chain. I just got a text. And I have no idea what it's about. I haven't flitered my e-mail, yet. Is that me subconciously wanting an e-mail? Don't know, Doc. How come we are unable to psychoanalyze ourselves? I can have a friend tell me some stuff and I can give them brilliant, insightful advice. But, for the life of me, I cannot seem to stop fucking up my own life. I fail to see the error of my ways. Or maybe I see them, but I just choose to ignore them. That's a possibility, too. Professional, or not-so professional, head shrinker: WANTED.

Necessary redundancy

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 01:06:32 GMT

The only thing that brought a smile to my face so far today is the thought of Kevin Federline's new album. So, I'm going to do something I never wanted to do and today's entry is going to be a pasted excerpt from my blogspot. If you're a reader of both my journals, I apologize for the redundancy. But it was just too good not to share with both communities!

An excerpt from a post titled "Thank you, K-Fed. Thank you"

Someone just sent me a link to watch Kevin Federline, or the more preferred K-Fed, rock out in the studio to his new song "PopoZao". It has to be the saddest, most hilarious, most painful thing I've ever seen. I love it. It's schadenfreude waiting to happen. Seriously, that video clip of him will be playing on the news when they announce how badly that album sold. You could almost take that clip and incorporate any sort of misfortune into it and it would work. Him bobbing his head to the beat followed by some rank fart. Fits. Him rocking out at the soundboard followed by God sending a lightning bolt to the studio. Fits. Him turning knobs he doesn't know how to work as Britney walks in with their ghetto-fabulous baby and hands him the divorce papers. Fits. Him "conducting" the beats as he closes his eyes, grooving to the crap coming out of the stereo followed by a MAC truck tearing through, smashing everything in its way, with the now smashed stereo in pieces playing the last few beats as it slowly dies out. So fitting. And you know what the only thing that I have to say to that is? PopoZao, bitches!

Because I am not a selfish person and I want to share this wonderful thing with the rest of the world, I leave you this:
http://www.youtube.com/w/Kevin-Federline-jamming-to-PopoZao?v=Q7Ys46KA4xw&search=she-ra

Now you, too, can enjoy this amazing phenomenon (read= inevitable trainwreck).

Sad kicker? I'm probably going to download the song for the entertainment value of making fun of it. And I know this.

*Disclaimer: In the event that hell does, indeed, freeze over and K-Fed's album gets critical acclaim coupled with a few Grammy nominations, I want to say that I had faith in him the whole time and I jumped on that bandwagon before it was a bandwagon. You go, boy!

**Disclaimer to the disclaimer: If the album release and subsequent backlash occur like I think is inevitable, then I continue in my "What the hell is he thinking" frame of mind. And therefore void the original disclaimer. But thank K-Fed for the laughter. You go, boy!

PopoZao, bitches! I'm out

Fodder

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 05:33:38 GMT

Wow. Frank the Goat has his own comic strip. I haven't read it yet. I wonder what a goat could possibly do. I had a funny conversation with thus guy yesterday. The preview for X:3 came on and he was very excited. He said that would be the movie that he's going to see over and over again. I asked if I could give him shit the way that he gave me shit for watching Narnia more than once. His defense was that X:3 was going to be a good movie. Not like Narnia where they aged years and years and then came back through the wardrobe young again. He said it wasn't realistic. To which i said- and some guy with an ademantium skeleton is? Some lady that controls the weather is? Some lady that dies then comes back? What exactly is his reality?

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 05:05:49 GMT

Why, Seattle?! It's okay. I still love you. Especially you Matt. Hehe

Tue, 31 Jan 2006 06:53:55 GMT

I am running out of words. It has finally come to that point where I am writing too much on the internet. I have an hour and a half left of work and nothing to do.

And then I stopped typing to take care of non-stop crap. I now have only half an hour left and I am flustered like a crazy person. Like I said, it only takes a blink for everything to turn around. Good or bad. And this was bad. It's the chain of command thing. I hate it. Any day spent in the office is bound to be bad day.

On Justin Day no less.

Thank God you don't quit until tomorrow. Or else the world would have turned.

Exactly 30 minutes. Tick tock.
I keep starting sentences and erasing them. My mind is completely numb. I just see the numbers on the lower right hand corner of my screen. 27 more minutes. The numbers don't move fast enough. Sitting here, staring at nothing. I can feel my brain turning to mush. I can feel the energy slip away. I lose myself. But for what? Eminem says to lose yourself in the moment. And if I was losing myslef that way, it might actually seem worth it. For somethng. Even if it's just an adrenaline rush. Even if it's a sacrifice. To lose yourself to a greater meaning, a greater cause. I just continue to lose.

24 minutes. I like observing people. I like watching things. At the same time, I am so self-absorbed, I miss a lot. He wears his watch on his left hand. No big deal. Most right handed people do. He sits at his desk without his shoes. When he talks, especially when he's mad, he doesn't look at me. Maybe it's because he's too mad. But I think it's because he's searching for his words. It must be hard to be bilingual. Thinking in one language then having to translate it before you can say it out loud. I've tried it. Unsuccessfully. These people just walked in. I thought they looked like green tea people, but like I do with everyone, I gave them coffee. They barely drank it. Maybe they weren't thirsty. Maybe they would have drank the green tea. We'll never know. When I'm saying something he doesn't understand, he looks down and touches his cheek. You can see in his eyes he working out what I'm saying. She looks into my eyes when I talk. To find the lie. I look at hers and see she can't find it. He sits in front of me when he really needs something. Unable to do it himself. He doesn't talk, but I always know what he needs.

11 minutes. Different people have Different mannerisms. But they all have habits. I like seeing the action and knowing what it means before anything has to be said. I like that. But I didn't say I'm good at it. Maybe I'm wrong. There are some people that I just can't read. Some people read me easily. Others call me an enigma. I think that I'm so simple to read, people want to believe it means something else.

The answer is yes.
And that is surrender.

6 minutes.

Obligatory

Sun, 29 Jan 2006 23:37:49 GMT

Because the coolest thing in the internet world is to have someone link you, I must do an entry here because I don't want to lose my link standing. I used the word "because" twice in one sentence. That has to be a grammatical evil.

Truth be told, I'm also writing here because I don't know what to do with this. I seriously love the layout of my new blogspot, but I don't want to cast LJ aside. Not she that has been my friend through all of the hard times. Could I be so cold-hearted that I just leave a note for when one day she wakes up and I'm gone? And should I start referring to LJ as "he"....because people might get the wrong idea? I figure it's kind of like a boat- they always refer to them as females. But now I don't know why I think this computer is a boat. I'm sinking deeper into a sea of confusion. I can run with this ocean metaphor forever. Or is it an analogy? Damn, I'm tired.

But really. I don't know what to do with this. I've written a lot of things in here. And anyone who reads this can testify to that- I write a lot. I don't want to lose all the memories. Does that make me completely vain? That every once in a while I like to go back and read about....myself?

Speaking of ditching journals....remember when I used to have a blurty? Geez, I need to stop falling in love with journals. I am a fickle mistress.

Moving

Sat, 28 Jan 2006 14:50:42 GMT

I broke down and got a blogspot....check me out:
http://colynn04.blogspot.com

I'm probably not going to completely abandon this one. Well, I don't plan to....But blogspot is so pretty.

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 00:28:27 GMT

The not so random quote of yesterday was: My life sucks!

The saying actually originated from a very good place. A very funny place. It became the catch phrase. We ran with it and came up with some pretty good ideas.

But inevitably the funny could not withstand the power of the crazy. It was a pretty good fight. Funny and no sadness stuck it out for two days, but in the end the crazy won. It always does. And since it had been stifled, it came with a vengeance. It wanted to attack on Wednesday. But the brilliant strategist from the funny came up with Plan No Sadness. Their attack was successful and the crazy laid low for a night. Last night, the funny thought it could continue Plan No Sadness and combine it with Plan My Life Sucks and it would be just as fruitful. But alas, the crazy was on to their shenanigans and formulated Plan Have You Heard This Song. The funny knew that they were losing, but continued the facade so that the the morale of the troops wouldn't get too low. But once the troops had gone to bed, the general admitted defeat and bowed down to the crazy. And the crazy is genius when it comes to torture tactics. It's like dripping water- completely psychological. Hopefully, the funny can rally and comeback from this disappointing upset, but that looks unlikely right now.

Music today. Have you ever kind of known a song. Maybe the video is playing in the background while you're getting dressed in the morning. You're slightly familiar with it, but not well enough to have a relationship with it. You don't know the words, maybe you can hum a little bit of the tune. Then all of a sudden you're strolling down to the store one night. One rainy night. And for some reason, you thought it would be better to listen to the radio and that song is playing. Once again, you're not paying attention to it because, honestly, it just isn't your cup of tea. Or maybe it is tea and you don't like tea. But you do like the English. In any case, you hear the words for the first time and are struck with the -Oh My God factor. And your seemingly groovy night falls apart and everything turns to crap.

Honestly, why are people even allowed to write music like that? Fine, I may be messing with Constitutional ethics here. Freedom of speech and whatnot. But really. Why is the FCC or whoever censors this stuff so concerned with "fuck", "shit", and "cock" but they let artists freely throw around ideas on suicide, murder, and domestic violence? Fuck is a word that pops up in a line. Suicide is an idea that an entire song can devote itself to glorifying. What is more harmful? We're going to reference Good Charlotte once again. I was once watching them do a live performance on MTV. MTV censored the line that says- "we should rob them", but found no problem with the line "kill your wife". Seriously, who decides when to press the bleep button? A 15 year old that only presses it when it goes to the beat? Because it seems that random.

I don't know. I put myself there. And it's coming twice as hard. From all sides. If this goes through, who am I going to run to on nights like that?

The Last Hurrah?

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 14:54:23 GMT

My day started out terribly. Work sucks....like it often does. Got a headache. Felt little. I hate that place. Was seriously looking for a stress reducer. The good thing about me is that if I don't do it right away, the need to goes away pretty easily. Lunch was pretty alright. The second part of work, I kept myself pretty busy.

Then the day flipped and reversed it. After hours was lots of fun. I went to a ghetto ass coffee shop, but it ended up pretty cool. Lots to talk about. I was smiling when I left. Then I went somewhere and psychoanalyzed. With all the screaming involved, someone could have easily mistaken that for an argument. At some points, even I thought it was an argument. I was pretty sure that the night would turn to crap after that and we would be unable to salvage it. I had to take a breath and find my balance. Find the center, so I could be as unbiased as possible. Because let me tell you, that is not an easy thing. I came back for round 2. There was less screaming and more just me listening. It's all that I could do. I don't know what I'm supposed to say. Help me to help you.

Everyone there was in an icky mood. Myself included. I felt the need to get out and perhaps bring back some cheer. So, I went to the store to get some surprises. Truth be told, I was trying to get away from it all. But not going alone to the store wasn't that bad. I probably would have gotten myself in a bad place had I been alone. So, it was good.

Went back to surprise them with what they asked for. And then took on the mantra of "No Sadness!". And so began the turnaround. It ended up being LOTS of fun. I saved someone by sitting up front. Then I saved someone with a phone call. Then we got all chaud up in it. Which was apparently entertaining. Played three rounds of Top or Bottom. Played Questions Only. Tried to play Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, but I don't think we were feeling it. But it did provide us with the random dumbass quote for the day which actually has more than one part: ( all in a chaud accent)
Antoinette: Okay, let's do an easy one.
Winston: Julia Roberts
Antoinette: Dude, she was in Flatliners with Kevin Bacon.
Winston: You said easy. Bro, that's like zero degrees.
Antoinette: Dude, that's like "Nice To Meet You", bro.

Okay. Maybe you had to be there for it to be funny. But it was hilarious. Just trust me on this one. Seriously, I don't think I've had that much fun in a while. And the fact that everyone was downing prior to that made the turnaround that much more amazing! Because we seemed to all be having a good time. With no alcohol even! We tried to make her spit her drink out. We came close a few times. Next time, bro.

And he said that I was funny. That may have been the coolest thing anyone has ever said to me. Especially coming from that one. Well, that and the fact that I'm the finger on the left hand that goes up the ass. How sweet, huh?

So that's the new philosophy everyone: No Sadness!!!! Domo arigato, yo.

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 00:59:58 GMT

Everyday I sit here staring at this computer screen. I go to the usual sites, take care of the business there. But, inevitably, the internet has me finding the edge of the flat world when I realize that there's nothing else to do there. It's at that point that I find mself saying- "Well, there's always livejournal." And I find myself here again, in what has apparently become my sanctuary. A place where I can just type everything that pops into my head- and I do type everything. It helps me to keep my sanity. At the least, it means that the voices in my head have an outlet as opposed to just turning on each other. I only took intro to psych, but I think that's how schizophrenia starts (*note to pretentious fuckers that can't read a joke, I don't really think that's how it starts. I get that there are chemical imbalances involved and whatnot, don't feel the need to correct me).

This morning it was hard to wake up. I hadn't slept straight through, being forced to wake up twice throughout the night. When that happens my body tries to compensate. If I wake up for 5 minutes, my body feels the need to sleep an extra 30. I'm pretty sure that I'm half asleep at this very moment actually. And besides the fact that I want to kick some ass, I don't think anyone would really notice if I were dozing off.

The Beatles break spoke to me today. They played Cried For No One and You've Got To Hide Your Love Away. Both songs are very significant, the latter moreso than the former. Don't read into that. It has very much to do with 15 year old me and not 24 year old me. Although 24 year old me often easily sinks into 15 year old me. How sad is that? That seriously- I haven't changed all that much.

CBS continues to be my new station of choice. I watched Love Monkey last night. And after getting over the initial shock that Jason Priestley is actually in a new show, I dug it. But even from the previews I had thought that I would. I wanted to see it because two of the characters seemed similar to two characters I had made. And they were. I Groundhog Day-ed myself. But since I have record of that from before this show, I feel more like a genius than anything. So, it works out. Jason has that show, Brian Austin Green is in Freddie....when is Luke Perry going to make his comeback? Never, I hope.

The yin and yang continues. But upon further self exploration I began wondering if I'm ever up. Because even when things are going okay, there is that underlying feeling that the road of good is just leading to the bad. Like, I know that I shouldn't even be heading in this direction and, yet, here I am, one foot stepping in front of the other. Marching me to certain doom and I have no control. To quote Good Charlotte- Then I know I'll wonder why I did it to myself once again. *screeching record* Did I just quote Good Charlotte?

With that being said, I'm pretty sure that right now- I'm the down.
How can [he] say to me, "Love will find a way?"

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 13:45:31 GMT

Wow. Today must have been a slow day. I think this is the third time that I've updated. Sad.

Funny story. I was considering getting another blog elsewhere because there were more features at this other site. I poked around the other site and you can look at random journals there. So, I was doing that. Just floating from one user to another. Admiring how crisp and clean the layouts were. Coveting them more and more and coming that much closer to switching over. Then I stumbled on some random girl's page. It was super cute. I read some entries and totally dug the way she writes. It flowed really well. And she just had that kind of personality that makes you think- if I knew her, I would totally be friends with her. And then she had a link to her 100 Things You Should Know About Her list. I thought that was funny because I just started posting mine. And her number one was that she was left handed, and that's my number one! Cue the Twilight Zone music now please, Mr. Stagehand. Yeah, no one cares, but I thought it was weird.

You know what my fatal flaw has been lately? I tend to make a decision, then do something contradictory to the aforementioned decision and only realize that I did it after it's done. Say that five times real fast! But really. Like, I said I wouldn't get French tips and as I was looking at them the second they were done it dawned on me- crap, I said I wasn't going to do that anymore. I've done things similar to that a few times this week. Hindsight is 20/20....and a bitch.

I did end up breaking that last resolution. And that sucks to no end. But what's done is done I guess. So, yes, Cheryl- blogging everyday isn't that difficult. But actually making it interesting....that's another story.

Oh! And the random weird ass quote of the day is:
"No girls want a piece of my white chocolate."

Take it as you will. And leave a message if you want to submit your application to try a piece of that white chocolate. Silly.

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 05:58:22 GMT

I don't know. Maybe we're not going to break that last resolution. I'm able to breathe now and am not so pissed off at the entire world. But we have an hour and a half to get back into crazy zone, so we'll just wait and see.

I've been working on this list of 100 things people should know about me. I'm supposed to post it in one long entry, but whereas most people's lists are usually a line per number, I tend to deeply explain things and it gets long and draggy. So that coupled with the fact that I still haven't finished the list has prompted me to post the list in stages. I was going to do it by ten's, but even that seems to be too much to read through. So, I'm doing it in fives. It probably won't be a section a day. Only when I'm that bored. And hopefully I finish the list before I catch up to myself.

So, without further ado- here is the:
"100 Things You Should Know About Me List- Section A."

1. I am left handed and I love that fact. I take personal offense when parents feel the need to correct that characteristic of their child.

2. Just to get it out of the way- my freak talent is that I can talk backwards. I have, pretty much, always been able to do it. This makes me feel like an immense loser because it seems to be the only thing people remember of me. I don't do it that often.

3. I am full Filipina. But people tend to not think I am. They usually think I'm half or completely something else. Except once when this girl told me that she could tell I was because of my "accent". If you know me, then you would probably think this was ridiculous and that comment baffles me until this day.

4. I am fascinated by people that can sing. Or that have any talent, really. Dancing and instrument playing are good, too. But a truly well performed song can actually bring me to tears.

5. When I was young- really young- I wanted a pet so badly I "broke into" my neighbors house and stole their kitten. Some kid found it, returned it, and got a $10 reward. The kicker? I hate cats.

Well, that was 1-5 on the list. Do you feel you know me better already? Since those were the first 5, they're things most people already know. Let's face it, none of it is really going to be that deep. I am just that bored. So stay tuned until I feel like writing the next five. Or don't. You know, whatever.

Stupid people are....stupid.

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 01:30:47 GMT

This sucks so freaking bad. This morning I was thinking about how today is the 24th day of the year and my life sucks. I started thinking about my resolutions for the year and how I know that I've already broken one of them. I'm pretty sure that, as of this morning, if I could remember them all, I would know that I've broken all but one of them. But I took comfort in knowing that there was one that I hadn't broken. Until I got to work. Damn it. I need a stress reducer. I hate this. I really do. So, yes- there is a very good chance that I'm going to break the last of my resolutions at some point today. And it only took 24 days.

I made this big deal about not doing any more private entries. The problem that I have is boundaries. What am I allowed to say? What part of my day is my life and business and what part isn't? Because my day is greatly impacted by those around me, it's hard to differentiate everything. For instance, let's say that I am helping my friend one day and that ends up being a big part of my day. So, I come here to write about my day and I write what's going on. Is Matilda going to come up to me and be like- what the hell, why did you wirte that? See, is that part of my life or Matilda's?

And then a light at the end of the tunnel. When something gives you so much trouble for such a long time and then finally it starts to fix itself..should we be thankful that it's finally getting better or do we get mad at the thought that it was so freaking simple when everyone was making it so freaking difficult? I don't know if that makes me a bad person, but as soon as the lady said that all I had to do was blah blah, I just wanted to say, "Are you fucking serious? That's all? Why the fuck didn't they tell me that in the first place?!" Do you feel that? That's my blood pressure rising.

Ooh. I just got the e-mail that I've been waiting for. It sucks so bad that I can't open it here. But you know what? We're going to try anyway.

Warning to the masses- I'm very irritable today.

No More Secrets

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 13:21:48 GMT

I was talking to a friend of mine today who said he didn't get the purpose of private entries. I guess that makes sense. I always did them to still be able to document things even though I didn't think everyone needed to know about them. It was to protect my heart and to protect whom ever else's heart might be effected by it. Usually I'm mad about something when I do a private entry. And I know that in the heat of the moment my anger is a force to be reckoned with. But it also subsides just as quickly. I know that if someone found out they hurt me or did something that bothered me, they might feel bad. So, I do the entry privately and no one gets hurt. But it's true- why have something online that you're not ready to share with the whole world? So, I've decided not to make posts private anymore. I'm not saying that I have some amazing revelation to make, I'm just saying that emotions may start to run more rampant around here. Maybe not. In any case, take all future posts with a grain of salt. If you're heart is too soft make sure you're prepared.

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 06:03:03 GMT

So, we're writing our memoirs. That's hilarious. And we're making the English watch us do it. I'm not sure I get that, but I'm all on board. I love the English. But I'm not a big fan of tea.

I went to lunch with a majority of the kids today. It was fun. It's the X-factor. The Steelers are in the Super Bowl. Screw you Pittsburgh! First you take JoDle and now you're in the Super Bowl. Now that I think about it, I really should be a bigger fan of Pittsburgh. It has JoDle, it's where QAF takes place, and....okay, that's it. But JD is for the Steelers and we love being the antagonist. And they have ugly uniforms. It's sad that my method of choosing my sports teams mirrors my method of chooing politicians and neither have much to do with statistics or facts.

He scheduled in time to go to the Night Market. How cute is that? I wonder when the time will come that I get so important that I actually have to schedule my time like that. I usually just stumble on the Night Market. I don't know that I'd ever want to got to that point where everything is monitored so strictly. I hate deadlines. I'm not good with them. I tempt them by procrastinating and then sneering at the calendar as the day gets closer. Like I'm proving something to the deadline by not rushing to work on it. You don't control me! It's probably a bad idea that I'm a communications major. Everything in that field has deadlines. I hate being that structured. I think I'm an artist. Swaying in the wind and answering to no one but nature. Is it possible to be an artist without any creativity? Because that is totally me. I'm pretty sure the definition of art has the word "creativity" in it somewhere....so, I'm screwed.

Oh yeah! Gah! Gah! I was watching the Filipino channel yesterday and a music video started playing. It was some girl singing and I don't usually pay attention to those so I was just kind of tuning it out. But then something familiar found its way into my head. I tried to figure out what it was and when I did all I could think was- Oh. My. God. I think I said it out loud. And slowly for effect. The girl had covered Skid Row's "I Remember You". Can you believe that?! She took everything that was beautiful out of it. That being mainly Sebastian. And Rachel....and just Skid Row in general. And she sang it as if it were originally written for....Barbara Streisand. I'm not knocking Babs, but she's no Skid Row. That was disgusting. It needs to be said again- GAH!

I don't think this is really practice for my memoirs. This is more like the- "My Take On Life" book. Not that I'm writing one of those. Or anything, really. But that's what's going on here.

I have an idea- you write your memoirs and I'll make a film based on them! I'll even let you help cast!

Sat, 21 Jan 2006 14:54:31 GMT

It's Saturday night and the yin and yang continues. That means someone must be happy. Not that that's a bad thing. It's good to think that there are good things happening to people somewhere in the world. Blah. Tonight sucks. The whole day actually. I have been feeling very hermit-like today. I made up for my lack of sleep last night. I woke up at 12:30. I love doing that. And I only get to do that on Saturdays. Church on Sunday morning and all.

Last night I got to hang out with Joey and his girlfriend. That was pretty fun. Most of the night was "remember whens" and news about my brothers. How weird is that? They know more about my brother's lives at this point than I do.

After that we ran into some drunk guy. It made me think that I know what kind of drunk is worse. Any kind of drunk is probably not a good thing. But who am I to judge? On some level I'm probably a drunkard, too. On some level. I'm a pretty bad drunk. Not in the it-happens-all-the-time way, but in the way that I can't handle my liquor. I once cussed a girl out. Apparently, I threw something at someone and made him bleed. One time I threw one of those table tents on the ground and broke it. Does that make me a violent drunk? Probably, huh? I don't drink often, but when I do it's for the dumbest reasons. Usually to get out of my own reality. Does that make me an alcoholic? I think it makes me a problem drinker. And that's supposed to be bad on some level, right? Alcohol should just be outlawed....I don't really mean that.

April is an exhale away. I don't know how I feel about that anymore. Somedays I'm super excited. Other days I dread it. Just depends on the way the wind is blowing, I guess. Today the wind is blowing....hopeful. Hoping that it's good. It will be good, right? I need some positive assurance on this. For some reason everything seems more important this time around. Maybe I'm just a silly girl. Thinking too much into things. Or maybe I'm just amazed.